left alone with my thoughts (and with pandora christmas radio)
I wonder why certain things just stick with you. for instance, my mother once mentioned to me that she always winds her alarm clock when she’s making the bed in the morning - I can’t forget this, and wind my alarm clock (a gift from her, of course) every time I make my bed. this is most certainly not every day, as i am a decidedly sloppier person than my mother. she also used to dump entire loads of laundry on top of me as soon as they were removed from the dryer. to this day, every time i take a load of clothes out of the dryer and get a moment to myself, I sit on the floor and overturn the hamper onto my head, collapsing to the ground in ecstasy, remembering the pure comfort of childhood.
and, no matter how old i get, i still wonder if i will ever really be an adult. aren’t adults supposed to have all the answers? as Kevin McCallister says to Old Man Marley in Home Alone, “no offense - but aren’t you a little old to be afraid?” And isn’t that what we always believe? That once we’re adults, everything will be revealed and there will be nothing to fear?
I still have a lot of fears. As an actor, I still struggle every day wondering if I’m talented enough, if people will care. I know actors are particularly needy; I also know, however, that we’re all always searching for validation and comfort. cling to whatever makes you remember who you are. dump that pile of hot laundry on your head, listen to christmas songs, and bask in the glow of christmas lights. it’s that time of year.
and i love you.